Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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