Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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