Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
