So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
