I am spending my child support on dildos
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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