we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
