he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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