she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
