I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
