Got a toothbrush?
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
