i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize