You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
