dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
