sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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