I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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