Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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