you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Say something about gay babies.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
