Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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