yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
