I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
