why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
