I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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