she looked like the before picture.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
