Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize