He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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