he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
