bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
