just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
