So drunk its hurt
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
