nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
