I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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