just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
