Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
