What a fucking waste of an outfit
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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