you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
