I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
