I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
