Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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