The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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