I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
