dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
