Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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