yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
