I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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