I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
