I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
