She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
