I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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