Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
