I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
