I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
