i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
