I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
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