Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
