I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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