I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
