SEEEEXXX PLEASE
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
