I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
