Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
whose parrot is this?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
