Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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