Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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