dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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