is wine microwaveable?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
