I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
