The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
