i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
