my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
