I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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