someone get that fucking seahorse.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
