i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
