I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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